January 21st, 2012

Healthy boundaries keep good in and bad out. Please take a moment and think about how you’d like to create or soften boundaries in your life.

Some people have very rigid boundaries which keep others at bay. Others have very little in the way of boundaries. These people may be taken advantage of because they have no or very little boundary protection.

Because as women we are socialized to be nice, ladylike and polite, expectations about being a good girl may override our internal sense that our boundaries are being violated. For example, we may get into an elevator with someone we feel uncomfortable with because we don’t want to be rude. What security and defense experts urge us to do is to be aware of and honor our feelings in these situations, even if they seem rude or irrational. Let’s not rationalize away that internal signal that tells us something is wrong or unsafe, this signal is there to protect us. If we feel our energies pulling back in a situation, we may want to quickly check into our bodies for some immediate awareness regarding whether or not we are in danger (emotionally and/or physically).

In the book Better Boundaries: Owning and Treasuring Your Life by Jan Black and Greg Enns they write “The three purposes of boundaries are: 1)To protect you 2) To preserve you and 3) To present you. [...] Your personal boundary system lets others know who you are, what you want, and what you can give.”

Those of us with rigid boundaries may want to examine how we might soften our boundaries, making them more permeable. It may be helpful to examine our personal history to understand why we may have developed this rigidity and how these rigid boundaries may actually be hindering us in relationships now. We can always choose a new way to relate to others.

video on boundaries & communication:

(c) 2012 Jeanine Marie Austin, Ph.D., C.Ht.
Doctor of Life Coaching, Certified Hypnotherapist
Simply Divine Solutions
Life Coaching and Hypnosis Worldwide

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